Cake

Today, I tried to make a cake. Last time I made a chocolate cake, it was delicious. That was clearly a fluke. Today, without my mother's trusty expertise, I cocked it up big style. I forgot the baking powder, made a complete mess of the kitchen, and threw the oven glove across the floor after I removed my dry, flat and totally inedible sponges from the oven. I used castor sugar instead of icing sugar when making buttercream for the filling, and in a fit of despair I threw it all in the bin. Then I picked up the Children's Book of Baking and made fairy cakes instead.

Feline felony

Today, I did something I've been meaning to do for a long time. I purchased a newspaper. I've been aware for a long time, and been told god knows how many times, that looking in newspapers is a great way to find ideas for stories. Which I'm sure it is. But I'm thinking The Sun was the wrong choice, as I stumbled across a story about some absolute mental case who abducted and raped a cat. The poor thing had broken teeth and a dislocated tail. I tell you, if someone raped one of my cats, there'd be fucking hell to pay. Who would do such a thing? :(

Water For Elephants

I'll admit, the main reason I went to the cinema to see this film was Robert Pattinson's face. And I'm sure the same can be said for approximately 75% of the audience; but I'm sure the producers knew that. Here, Pattinson proves that yes, he is indeed more than vampire Edward Cullen; he IS more attractive without the big floppy hair and white face paint.

Based on the novel of the same name by Sara Gruen and directed by I Am Legend's Francis Lawrence, the film has a plot so familiar it's as comfortable as a tatty pair of slippers; handsome and intelligent trainee vet Jacob (Pattinson) loses both his parents in a tragic car accident just as he's sat down to take his final exams. He loses the family home, doesn't complete his degree, and sets out on foot, miniscule suitcase in hand, to try and find a new life. Luckily, a train carrying a travelling circus speeds past, and Jacob jumps on it, miraculously landing himself a job as a vet. Of course, Jacob falls for the beautiful Marlena (Reese Witherspoon), the circus's star performer, who just so happens to be married to August (Christoph Waltz), the oppressive circus owner.

The film plods along unremarkably until the arrival of Rosie the elephant, August's latest acquisition in an attempt to salvage dwindling ticket sales. Christoph Waltz gives a good performance as the detestable August, whose abuse of Rosie is one of the nastiest scenes I've seen in a long time. Yet, while the film is visually and technically sound, and the chaotic climax is extremely satisfying, the romance between Jacob and Marlena feels flat and lacks real spark. Truth be told, the only character whose welfare I actually cared about was Rosie, who really is both the circus's and the film's star attraction.

3/5

Scream 4

*This is another silly little piece I had to write for something else, and I've decided to put a lot more film stuff here, so here this is!


Synopsis: Scream 4 (dir. Wes Craven; 2011) tells the story of Sidney Prescott, the survivor of numerous attempted murders, as she returns to her home town of Woodsboro to promote her new self-help book. On the fifteen year anniversary of the first massacre, of which Sidney was the main target, a new masked killer begins to brutally murder local high school students, including the friends of Sidney's younger cousin Jill. Sidney reunites with old friends, journalist Gale Weathers and Sheriff Dewey Riley, to uncover the identity of the killer before he/she once again comes after Sidney and her loved ones.


Review: The first Scream was revolutionary; both frightening and hilarious, it is an exceptional example of postmodern, self-referential filmmaking. The series sagged with the inevitable sequel, but at least it was aware that "by definition alone, sequels are inferior films!". Scream 3 was a little better, less predictable at least, and, ten years later, Scream 4 is here.

While horror fans will be pleased with a substantial increase in death toll and gore, director Craven and original writer Williamson have taken the film-within-a-film joke a little too far this time. Yes, the point of the Scream movies is to poke fun at, while at the same time strictly adhering to, the rules and cliches of the horror genre, but the joke is old now.

Scream 4 will likely satisfy members of the audience unfamiliar with the previous films, and if you're looking for some 'light' entertainment, it is more than adequate. But for every truly terrifying moment, there's a horribly cringeworthy line of dialogue. No sequel will ever compete with the humour and genuine surprise of the original. As remarked by one character, with regard to horror sequels and remakes, "they just don't know when to stop". Scream 4 would be a good place.

3/5

Andrea Arnold

There could be no bigger inspiration to an aspiring female filmmaker living in Britain today than Andrea Arnold, whose two feature length films, Red Road (2006) and Fish Tank (2009) are arguably two of the best British films of the last decade. Both relentlessly grim but ultimately hopeful, they each won the Jury Prize at Cannes and a BAFTA in their respective years. Like Ken Loach before her, Arnold not only manages to tease out truly astounding, amazingly natural performances from her actors, but she manages to capture the beauty and wonder to be found in the smallest of things, be it the wind at the top of a Glaswegian tower block or a heart-shaped balloon sailing above an Essex council estate.

Arnold began her career in the media as a dancer on Top of the Pops, and then moved to presenting Saturday morning television show No 73 in the 1980s. After her short films Milk (1998) and Dog (2001) she rose to fame with her Oscar-winning third short, Wasp (2003). Deceptively simple in premise but stunning in execution, Wasp follows a day in the life of a single mother, who leaves her four young children in a pub car park while she tries to impress an ex-boyfriend.

In 2006 came Red Road, the story of lonely CCTV operator Jackie, who one day notices a man from her past on her screen and begins to stalk him. Long segments in which words just aren't necessary due to Kate Dickie's mesmerising performance makes for a tense, deeply enthralling thriller in which a brutally explicit act of revenge is overshadowed by a wonderfully subtle final moment expressing the power of human forgiveness.


Arnold followed with Fish Tank in 2009, which tells the story of Mia (first time actress Katie Jarvis), a fifteen year old girl living on an Essex council estate who has a penchant for violence, bottled cider and hip hop dancing. Deep down, Mia just wants to be loved and accepted in a way that she never has been, and needs someone to show her the way. That someone arrives in the form of her mother's new boyfriend, Connor (Michael Fassbender). The sexual tension between Mia and Connor feels so real you could reach out, grab hold of it and cut it with the proverbial knife. But of course, in the social realist tradition, nothing works out the way one would hope, but again, there is an undercurrent of hope beneath the mayhem.


Arnold's films are not only exceptional in the way they portray the harsh beauty and grim reality of working-class life, but what is truly impressive is her focus on women and female sexuality; these are stories about women, in which the men are sexually objectified in a way that is all too rare in contemporary cinema. Arnold's films are undeniably gritty, and despite the often immoral actions of her leading ladies, Arnold doesn't allow us to judge or condemn them, even when they're urinating on someone's living room carpet. And that is no small feat.




* This was a piece of writing I did as an entry in a Sight & Sound competition for female film writers. I won't win, but I enjoyed writing it, and it's always good to keep writing. The brief was to write 300 words on someone in the film industry who is an inspiration to you, and this comes in at over 500 words, so I've got some editing to do!

Lynched

In other news, I have university to thank for my new-found obsession with David Lynch. At the moment, I've seen 5 out of his 10 feature films, and every episode of Twin Peaks, which has got to be one of the greatest television shows I've ever had the pleasure to watch. His films, most notably Blue Velvet and Mulholland Drive, are not for everyone, but personally I find them more complex, more interesting, and definitely more visually stunning than nearly everything else I've ever seen. Transformers and all the superhero shite that gets churned out can kiss my arse.

Raisins and placements

It's been nearly a year since my last post, and I guess a lot must have happened since then. However, with regard to last year's new year's resolutions, I am no closer to finding a nice man to look after me. In fact, I can't even find a horrible man to look after me poorly. I have managed to lose weight, but I'm probably putting that back on again due to my inexorable urge to eat everything in sight. And fruit never seems to be in my sight, unless it's chocolate covered raisins. I haven't kept up with updating my blog more regularly, in fact I stopped doing it completely. I haven't managed to watch all the DVDs I own but have never seen, I've just bought loads more and made the pile even bigger. And that also fits in with wanting to overcome my shopping addiction, which has perhaps calmed down a little but is definitely still there. So there you have it, I'm failing at life at the moment.

On the plus side, I have just completed my degree, and in two months time I will receive the result of all my hard work. Though by hard work, it wasn't exactly a degree in medicine or astrophysics, just a completely pointless degree in which I wrote countless essays and scripts that will never get read beyond the people who are employed to mark them. And by countless scripts, I mean quite a few short scripts, and one feature length one as my final year project. Which I guess is an achievement in itself, I can say I've written a film, but nobody really gives a fuck if you've written a film unless it actually gets made into a film that they can watch. Which isn't likely to happen.

As you may be able to guess, I'm feeling a little down at the moment. Yes, I'm probably going to come out with a good degree, but after writing my CV today I've realised that while I might have some good grades under my belt and have kept a steady job for almost 6 years, I don't have any work experience in the media industry. Which I'm guessing I need to have to be able to get a decent job in the media industry. Which, as they say, is easier said than done. Obviously I'm going to apply for all the work experience placements I can find, but boy is that frustrating. Having to answer numerous 'why is this the job for you?' type questions, when I don't even know the answer, is making me want to reach for the chocolate raisins and order ten DVDs from amazon.